were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
