nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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