Got a toothbrush?
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
