Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Four minutes until I can fart!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
