dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
