Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.

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  (313): We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure. http://tfl.nu/sjew
  Replies (0) Good night (1223) Bad night (845)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.

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  (413): He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing. http://tfl.nu/up8v
  Replies (8) Good night (1437) Bad night (4446)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.

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  (303): Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face. http://tfl.nu/aa6s
  Replies (1) Good night (3188) Bad night (920)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles

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  (516): If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles http://tfl.nu/okmw
  Replies (4) Good night (1643) Bad night (1211)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.

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  (910): Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down. (803): Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you. http://tfl.nu/a5n4
  Replies (8) Good night (1878) Bad night (907)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions

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  (615): Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions http://tfl.nu/mr16
  Replies (24) Good night (2867) Bad night (771)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.

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  (801): dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back. http://tfl.nu/m80x
  Replies (15) Good night (593) Bad night (1167)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  He should be castrated

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons

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  (778): He should be castrated (604): Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons http://tfl.nu/5v9r
  Replies (7) Good night (666) Bad night (1036)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.

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  (310): You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag. http://tfl.nu/d3da
  Replies (8) Good night (1400) Bad night (736)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.

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  (707): Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got. http://tfl.nu/yk6y
  Replies (5) Good night (553) Bad night (1567)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!

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  (207): Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck! http://tfl.nu/r6pa
  Replies (4) Good night (954) Bad night (655)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"

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  (954): direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey" http://tfl.nu/8vb9
  Replies (2) Good night (951) Bad night (397)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.

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  (540): He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog. http://tfl.nu/zanv
  Replies (0) Good night (411) Bad night (542)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  update: I failed

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  (908): tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B (908): update: I failed http://tfl.nu/ownp
  Replies (4) Good night (382) Bad night (582)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.

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  (619): You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off. http://tfl.nu/vzep
  Replies (3) Good night (286) Bad night (498)

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