Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(905): View more from Toronto

Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language

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(816): View more from Missouri

I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.

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(415): View more from California

Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.

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(260): View more from Indiana

Vodka is such a love hate relationship.

(661): View more from California

Truer words have never been spoken.

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These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
Read it at the TFLN blog
(913): View more from Kansas

We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!

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(250): View more from British Columbia

After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all

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(720): View more from Colorado

my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.

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