And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
