If that was your dad, he is hot
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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