and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
