i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
