i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
