He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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