there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
