I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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