Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
