She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize