I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize