It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
