a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
