if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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