For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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