so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
