We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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