so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
