My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
