It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
