Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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