Joe is yelling at the trees again.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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