Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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