I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
