I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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