is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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