I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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