i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
