Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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