Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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