he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
