that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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