we're making bets on your personal life
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
