Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
