I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
