This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
