I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
