i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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