i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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