I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
