so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
