Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize
