Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
