Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
