Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
