Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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