am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Sorry about my life...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
