I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
