Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
