I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
