I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
