I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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