omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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