my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Can I color on your dick again?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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