I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
