Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
