Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
