During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
