I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
