Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
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